puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
