dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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