I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
