i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
