So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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