Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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