my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
