we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
