Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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