he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
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I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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