he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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