If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize