I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Houston, we have a squirter
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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