is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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