Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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