Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
