she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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