he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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