Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
