I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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