So drunk its hurt
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
