Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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