Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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