Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
