Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
