i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
