please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
