had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
