I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
