She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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