ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
the condom got lost in my hair
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
