He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
