I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
