I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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