I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
