I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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