you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
