no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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