i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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