True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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