i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
