i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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