Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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