He is such a slut. More and more my type.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
