I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
