Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
birth control should be required to get into college
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize