Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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