I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize