How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
