His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
