Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
