I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
