She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
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If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Bring me that man meat
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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