yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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