Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
