I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
