My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
