I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
