after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
