I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
