There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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